The Fall of Johnny Smiles

The Fall of Johnny Smiles
By Michael – Louis Ingram, Associate Editor, Director of Scouting
FRO/BASN
 
“White Men Can’t Jump? They don’t have to…they own the team!”
-          Humorist Paul Mooney  
 
PHILADELPHIA (FRO/BASN): On the long running comedy series, “The Jeffersons,” main protagonist George Jefferson would always love to brag that he made “enough green to cover his Black.”
 
To a similar extent, that seemed to be the case with right – wing talk show wonk Rush Limbaugh, a smiling assassin in the minds of his legions of followers.
 
While the putrid, proselytizing purging from this pusillanimous, penile pig has contributed to the current calamitous climate in which “one lone nut” can act without fear of repercussions (because Limbaugh and others are “entertainers” and therefore, not responsible for others’ actions), Limbaugh began to really believe his trash was others’ treasure.
 
And then came the big payoff; the chance to be the “Voice of the Fan,” as a talking head at The Mouse on their flagship National Football League pre-game show, “NFL Countdown.”
 
Looked as if the little Nimrod was movin’ on up to the East Siiidde…
 
But then came the Donovan McNabb incident; as in “the media wants a Black quarterback to succeed.”
 
You know, the only part of that asinine statement that was never sufficiently gleaned was…all of it.
 
If our bellicose butterball had done his homework, he would’ve known there has never been any concerted effort on the part of mainstream media to promote the success of any Black quarterback.
 
The ‘Wizard of Oohs & Ahs,’ Mr. Chuck Ealey goes undefeated his entire collegiate career - 35-0 – at the University of Toledo at quarterback – and his reward? Some NFL asshole telling him to try out at defensive back…
 
Jimmy Raye leads Michigan State to a national championship at quarterback; but no sniff at playing his best position in the NFL;
 
Eldridge Dickey, “The Lawd’s Prayer” gets drafted in the first round to play quarterback – and he still can’t play it because the big bad Oakland Raiders were too chicken shit to follow through after he proved he was better than the others in camp (including Ken Stabler);
 
Joe Gilliam goes 4-1-1 after winning the starting QB spot for Pittsburgh, but has the job taken from him because they couldn’t think of a palatable enough lie;
 
Warren Moon wins the Rose Bowl at quarterback, but in spite of a stellar career, he’s told to move to another position if he wants to make it in the NFL (and all Moon did was become a Hall of Fame quarterback in two leagues! No thanks to the NFL!)
 
And let’s not forget the brothers who went north to Canada to rock the house: Condredge Holloway, Roy DeWalt, the fantastic Damon Allen, Tracy Ham, Marcus Crandall, Gilbert Renfroe, J.C. Watts, Danny Barrett, Casey Printers; all champions, all quarterbacks. I don’t remember the American mainstream media singing their praises…
 
Doug Williams takes the Tampa Bay Buccaneers from ‘worst to first’ at quarterback, but he’s treated like a Nigger because he dared to want to be paid on a par with his peers, many of whom with pro credentials far less than but paychecks far greater than his?
 
And last (but not least for now) Kerry Joseph wins an NFL Europe Championship at quarterback, but unlike Kurt Warner or Brad Johnson, is told to play safety, plays out of position for four full seasons in Seattle, and finally, given the opportunity to play the position he was supposed to play in the first damn place, wins a Grey Cup Championship for the Saskatchewan Roughriders – at quarterback.
 
Now that didn’t happen in 1957; that was 2007.  
 
Nobody said it then, so I’ll say it now – where the fuck have you been, Peaches?       
 
And that woeful unpreparedness, the disdain for real football fans – on top of the other bullshit you spewed on that panel, is why you had no business being there in the first fucking place!
 
So The Mouse shows you the door (‘either he goes, or I go’ – you figure out among that bunch who said it!)  but like Chuck Taine, he rocks, skates, rolls and bounces along with his career, becoming a money making misanthrope, merrily mixing a maelstrom of madness,  motivating millions of mindless myrmidons into believing he’s not only one of them – he is their conduit to the corridors of power.  
 
He dogs out the newly – elected President of the United States, and is then offered a shot to buy into the Ultimate Boys’ Club – and snag a piece of the Saint Louis Rams, who have fallen on hard times…
 
Hard times, my Black ass! The team is only worth about $950 million; in an economy that has been in recession mode for at least eight years.   
 
But, there’s a problem; seems some of his words have come back to bite him in the ass; making analogies about NFL games being like the Bloods & Crips goin’ at it (not the smartest thing to say in an organization with 65% Black players as members).
 
Someone far wiser than I once said a long time ago that “quiet money always speaks the loudest.” Admittedly, that took a day or two to sink in; but the point was made to say real money usually has a little taint on it – and the last thing anyone wants is – attention…
 
(“I’m Johnny Smiles” lyrics by Skar, arranged by K. Lynch; from” Mob Story – A Hip Hopera”)
 
Well I’m Johnny Smiles
New kid on the scene…
And when I get done shinin’
Bet those shoes are clean…
I pour the coffee and even park the cars
I get to drive the Fat Bastards straight home from the bars…
And all of these jobs I do ‘em with pride
I gain their trust and soon I’ll live large and start to thrive
See in This Thing of Ours, this is the only way
A kid from the street can climb the ladder and make crime pay.
Growing up where I did you get to see a lot of things
The guys in this club were like a local Kings
They had the finest broads all willing and able in any restaurant
They got the best damn table!
Pinky rings and rockin’ Cuban cigars
They had Chinese suits by the dozen in the trunks of their cars
To a kid like me to get this far
Andrea Doria Social Club just ain’t some local bar…
I had dreamed of this life since I was ten
Finally made it straight to the center of the lion’s den…
So to make my bones, see, I’ll do what they say
Cause I’m looking to a future, to a brighter day.
When I’m a full Goumba
A made Gummie Gump
Runnin’ scams for friends or for some straight-laced chump
All of these petty tasks; it ain’t just for nothin’
It’ll all be worthwhile when I get my button…
 
Gotta get my button ‘cause I gotta get paid (big shot)
When you’re made you’re the man; when you’re not
You’re just nothin’ (big shot)
Gotta get my button ‘cause I gotta get made (big shot)
When you’re made you’re the man; when you’re not you’re just nothing…
 
So enough about me let’s break it down to the crew
I’ll tell ya who the hell they are
And what the fuck they do;
I’ll start at the bottom and then I’ll move up the line no matter what I say
They’re all friends of mine….
So even though I know this guy’s a little bit slow
Every operation needs some muscle to make it go
Bobby Bats
The guy’s a soldier like iron…
Made his bones 20 years ago stuck a guy with an eye jamb…
Quick with the club so when push comes to shove
If the shit hits the fan he’s the man you gotta love 
Tony Fingers
Another cat in the crew
Just hijacked an armored truck; the driver turned up blue;
Tight with the Don and a stand up guy
He’ll hit the trigger on his gun before you blink your eye
The guy knows the biz; at the track he’s a whiz
So good with the ladies you hear
The pussy fizz…
And speaking of chicks, the Don’s consiglieri Vic
With whose foot fetish is enough to make everybody sick  
He may be a Queen, but buddy keeps the record clean
Money filtered through Geneva
Important guy on the scene (big shot);
 
Gotta get my button cause I gotta get paid (big shot)
When you’re made you’re the man; when you’re not
You’re just nothin’ (big shot)
Gotta get my button ‘cause I gotta get made (big shot)
When you’re made you’re the man; when you’re not you’re just nothing.
 
Now Don DeVito’s a large man and a legend with us all
Coming up as a soldier they used to call him Brass Balls (swing low!)
Prince on the street the man with the master plan
Took me in at 15 so I’m his biggest fan
But he’s not without critics even in our own crew
That would entertain Paulie ga-ga if he ever knew…
 
To me he’s the best to that I will attest
Came up from the streets and I know he wears the crest
 
The Don is the Don
Regardless of what it is he does
So De Vito’s the Boss
‘Cause because just because
Then there’s this girl I’ve known all my life
I wouldn’t call her a slut, but still she’s far from a wife (she gets around…)
When I was a kid on Delancey Street I knew
She’d be goumba to bringin’ drama to somebody’s crew…
 
Sexy and smart her name is
Gabrielle
With a whiff of her perfume you’ll be under her spell (I’m just playin’…)
The girl’s got it all but still she’s well adjusted
Word has it she‘s the only one the Don’s trusted
She’s not just a moll
Like us she’s on call
With all Gabrielle is, even the Don might fall…
 
Gotta get my button ‘cause I gotta get paid (big shot)
When you’re made you’re the man; when you’re not
You’re just nothin’ (big shot)
Gotta get my button ‘cause I gotta get made (big shot)
When you’re made you’re the man; when you’re not you’re just nothing;
 
Gotta get my button ‘cause I gotta get paid (big shot)
When you’re made you’re the man; when you’re not
You’re just nothin’ (big shot)
Gotta get my button ‘cause I gotta get made (big shot)
When you’re made you’re the man; when you’re not you’re just nothing.
 
As I complete this column, word has come out that Dave Checketts, point man for the group wanting to snag the Rams, has stated Rush Limbaugh is now out of the group.
 
While I may feel some mild elation over this, I say it never should have come to this – so fuck you too, Checketts – first for including his drug addict ass, second for thinking you could skate on it, and third for having the same mindset as this cum stain!
 
Ultimately, cash condones crass, but can’t consume class.
 
Sorry, Sweet Cheeks – you’ve been shut out.
 
Editor’s Note: Although I know BASN will never get the credit, the information regarding Limbaugh was constantly served “Straight, No Chaser” by our colleague Desi Cortez months before it was a ripple on Mouse Pond. ‘Way to go, brother man.
mike@footballreportersonline.com
 
 

LIMBAUGH IS GIVEN THE SHAFT

 
LIMBAUGH IS GIVEN THE SHAFT
 
By The Gambler [J.Gamble] For Football Reporters Online
 
When did American’s become so damn judgmental?  Land of the free. Home of the brave. Remember that? Freedom of speech. Freedom of the press. Does any of this exist anymore?
 
Now, I’m no Rush Limbaugh fan. I don’t dislike him either. He is an American with his own ideas, friends, beliefs and opinions. No different than the rest of us. What makes him stand out is the fact that he has had a radio show for many years. And on his show he is staunchly dedicated to furthering the beliefs, core values and lifestyle of the right-wing, conservative, rich, white society he is immersed in. He has a unique and advantageous professional platform, and he uses it. It is an opinion show. There are no right or wrong answers. But his opinion is the overriding one on his show.
 
All things being said, Limbaugh should have been allowed to continue as part of a group seeking to buy the Rams. Limbaugh was to be a limited partner in a bid led by St. Louis Blues chairman Dave Checketts, but Checketts said in a statement Wednesday that Limbaugh's participation had complicated the effort. The group would move forward without him. The group succumbed to a wicked media backlash and a vocal protest by the head of the NFL Players Union. Colts owner Jim Irsay said he would vote against the bid as well. Commissioner Roger Goodell even threw his two cents in, saying Limbaugh’s “divisive” comments would not be tolerated.
 
Limbaugh’s reputation as a “hate monger” -- as FOX Sports columnist Jason Whitlock called him in a recent column – hit a pentacle when he was ousted as part of The MNF team back in 2003, after making racially charged comments about Philadelphia Eagles QB Donovan McNabb. He was also caught in a pill-popping illegal prescription drug dependency, which made him look like a hypocrite.  Still, he continued to express his deeply conservative and often offensive views on his radio show. And that made him too hot. It seems his boys had to back out on him in order to get this done. Either way, I’m sure he’ll still remain as a “silent partner” of sorts. A lot of people see this as a victory for the left and racial sensitivity in sports. Al Sharpton was vocally ecstatic. Limbaugh has said this is a direct attack by Democrats and liberals to destroy prominent conservatives.  I don’t particularly agree with either of those assertions.
 
I do however agree with Limbaugh when he says “this is about the future of The United States of America and what kind of country we’re going to have. “ 
 
I don’t think he should have been dropped. I think his team should have stood behind him and fought this issue to the fullest extent of the law. NFL owners shouldn’t be able to deny a bid based on anything but financial health.  If Limbaugh is stopped because of some touchy views he had about McNabb, then anyone can be stopped from purchasing a team just because they have different views than the other owners.
 
No wonder there aren’t any black NFL owners yet. Reggie Fowler attempted to buy the Vikings in 2005 for $625 million dollars. Fowler was to become the first African-American principal of an NFL team, and he seemed to have all his ducks in a row. But the owners didn’t approve his purchase. He couldn’t get into the old boys club. The basis of this denial, however, was discrepancies and a lack of confidence and in Fowler’s financial portfolio.
 
Everyone is so touchy these days. Noone can say what they really feel any more in fear of being persecuted and cast aside as a bigot. America is a country where every man has an opportunity to pursue the many offerings of life.  A person’s beliefs should never deny them that opportunity. If Rush has the doe. Let him buy the team. There are rules, systems and bodies put in place to police bigotry and biased practices in the work place.
 
This opens up a can of worms that can affect all ethnicities and beliefs. The NFL is openly stating that if you don’t share the values and morals of the majority, then you are subject to being cast aside and labeled a “hate monger”. That is a dangerous direction for our country. Nets owner Jay-Z has admittedly sold drugs and continues to glorify it in his songs, but he is still considered fit to own a pro franchise. Why is Limbaugh attacked with such fervor?
 
Diversity has been the fabric of our uniqueness and success as a nation. People with different opinions and believes having to co-exist for the good of society. We can’t pretend people grew up the same. We are not robots. We all disagree with people who don’t share our core values. That’s what makes us strong people. Debate.
 
Limbaugh deserves the opportunity to mess up, before he is shown the door. His dream was taken because he was man enough to speak his mind. Right or wrong, my granddad told me America was built on the backs of people with strong beliefs and foundations. These days, I guess as long as you are spewing nonsense on a reality show, you are safe. If you discuss real issues, that spur emotion and conflict, you don’t fit in anymore. The image-conscious NFL doesn’t need right-wing radio hosts drawing attention away from the product on the field. We understand that. But I think down the line, we will see the negative effects of NFL owner decisions that are based on no real criteria other than a difference of opinion.